Why Suffering?

I've wrestled with this question for a lot of my adult life. If God is good, why all the suffering? Some don't need to know the answers to life's deepest questions but I'm not like that. I want to understand. I've heard that we cannot understand the great mysteries of the Universe with our minds because our minds our finite and that if there is to be understanding it must come from somewhere more able to hold paradox. Our minds aren't very good at both/and. I've also heard that there's a place of not needing to understand that is full of peace. I think that's probably true but it doesn't stop me from examining, probing, questioning, wrestling, and searching.

I used to think that suffering was for our sake. That somehow it accomplished a beautiful or necessary thing in us. And while that belief did give me a thread of hope -- at least my sorrow is not all in vain -- it doesn't satisfy the heart aflame with agony. My faith is ever-evolving and what I used to believe 10 years ago has expanded and grown. That leads me to believe in another 10 years the same will have happened. But right now in my journey I see suffering as a choice of the Divine in order to demonstrate the underbelly of love. I think sanctification from suffering is simply a display of love's power. It's not the purpose of it but love is so powerful that it's able to take a train-wreck and transform it into nearly anything good and marvelous that you could imagine. I don't think that that God (or whatever name you prefer for the Holy Mystery) ever intended for suffering but that in order to show the depth of Love there had to be a world with limitations. Once there are limitations, there is much potential for harm. But it's only through the doorway of harm (failing someone) that we could ever experience the underbelly of love. Remember how Jesus explained that loving those who love you isn't a true test of love. Everyone does that. It's not until there are limitations that you begin to understand the depths of Love. Imagine you were the Divine and you loved with the kind of love that even loves your enemies and you wanted to express the fullness of that Love. You would have to create a world of limitations. And in that world people would experience scarcity and fear and shame. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Or maybe too much. Because that's a limitation, too. It's a big risk. To create a world with limitations knowing that in many places it will turn sour and hellish.

And even though there's a part of me that doesn't want to say this out loud, I'm glad. I'm glad we were created with limitations. I'm glad we have the ability to harm people. I'm glad that I'm not perfect and that I hurt people that I love and that I get hurt in return. Because without that, I'd never know the fullness of Love. I'd never sob with abandon over the way I am so held even when I fail. I would never know the awe that washes over one when they are forgiven. I would never know the wild, delicious joy of being captivated by the very One who I have harmed. I wouldn't really know God without limitations. I wouldn't really know my own goodness and beauty. I wouldn't know the bottomless depths of Love.